


Love After Death

by Paname



Category: Hakuouki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-28
Updated: 2018-10-27
Packaged: 2019-08-08 16:31:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16432949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Paname/pseuds/Paname
Summary: Hijikata has died, and Chizuru is alone. She wanders the land looking for a purpose in life. She finds one in a decimated battlefield.This is another old story of mine, please read it with that in mind.





	1. Chapter 1

A few words before I start this chapter, this story takes place after the ending of the anime. Also, I own absolutely nothing!

 

—

 

Chizuru has wondered the forests listlessly for months. The war officially ended 3 days ago, but she didn't care. She knew the end of the war would not bring back her loved ones, and even though she knew better than to get her hopes up, she desperately clung to the idea that one of the captains of the Shinsengumi lived on. She felt the wind caress her cheeks as her tears once again found their way out of her now lifeless brown eyes. She felt incredible loneliness tear at her heart, as she put one foot in front of the other, she slowly moved her body in a random direction. She knew she'd never see Okita-san's wolfish grin and teasing eyes; never again would she be slightly confused by Saitou-san's silence. Two tears dripped from her eyes and dripped down the tip of her delicate chin. She saw Heisuke's boyish grin and Harada-san's serene smile, with Shinpachi stealing some of Heisuke's food. Two more tears followed the path of the previous two down her face.

 

Chizuru had dropped to her knees on a patch of moss, unable to control the sobs wracking her body. Kondou-san had always been so kind to Chizuru, and had looked out for her as an older brother would. She missed the way he treated his men with kindness and respect. Hijikata-san had loved her, opened his heart to her, and unknowingly opened her own shy heart. Chizuru was on her hands and knees sobbing, crying out his name in hope that he'd come and hold her. Bring her comfort in her most desperate time of need. She missed his lips, the way they urgently pressed themselves against hers. She missed how he had wrapped his arms around her, and had told her he wouldn't let her get away, even if she wanted to. He had died for her. Chizuru fell to her side and curled up on the patch of moss and eventually fell asleep.

 

This was not the first time that Chizuru had wept herself to sleep, so emotionally exhausted that her physical form could not handle the stress. She lay in fetal position on the moss for countless hours before finally returning to the world of the awake. Her eyes opened and for a nanosecond, you could see their former light as Chizuru imagined her friends surrounding her. When the illusion quickly dispersed, she leapt to her feet, eager to leave the area as quickly as possible.

 

Chizuru did not know for how long she had been running, her breaths coming in quick pants. She could hear a battle up ahead, and she increased her pace. She knew she'd come across a field of dead and dying men, a part of her hoped she'd find one of her beloved captains. She skidded to a stop when she saw the wreckage of the battlefield, and quickly hid her presence. She saw two enemy men, standing off to the side searching the corpses of their enemies and comrades alike.

 

"He was here, that damned Shinsengumi scum!" One of them yelled, as he kicked a dying man in the skull.

 

Chizuru scanned the decimated field, and spotted a familiar head of brown hair; black bandana and all. Chizuru's eyes widened as she recognized his green jacket. She scanned the battlefield, looking for the men who had been searching for him. They were off in a corner of the field inspecting a corpse and laughing. She took what might be her only chance and tiptoed to him, and grabbed his arm.

 

_Bump bump bump._

 

Chizuru nearly broke down in tears right there in the battlefield had it not been an urgent situation. She grabbed onto his wrist and got _most_ of his body onto her back and booked it out of the clearing.

 

_Huff huff_

 

"Calm yourself, man. Nakagura Shinpachi is near, he can't have gone far with the wounds he sustained in battle." The more logical man said. It was a mistake on his part.

 

_Deep breath, Chizuru. You are an Oni, strong and capable of protecting the last of your heart._

 

The two men shuffled through the debris of former life, looking for anything of value to loot from the corpses. Dishonorable acts, such acts that would not be committed by a man of integrity. They would never have looted bodies, not disrespected the dead.

 

 _I need to find a river, I need to clean his wounds._ Chizuru held onto Shinpachi's form as it was her lifeline. She needed him to live, she selfishly needed someone to love, someone to keep her sane. She needed him to wake up, and show her his piercing blue eyes. She dragged Shinpachi's wounded body into the water, and floated him with her knee under the water as she balanced on one foot. She made quick work of tearing at his western style clothing. _Blasted things, I prefer tradition Japanese clothes_. She saw gashes all along his chest, all along his arms, one of his thighs was bleeding, and it looked like he had fought until he fell. She gently removed his bandana, and watched momentarily as his hair floated out around his head.

 

She was finishing up tying his leg wound when she felt him stir and immediately rushed to his side. Hoping that he'd recognize her, and he'd feel joy at being alive. She had tears come to her eyes as she gently held his head in her hands. She looked into his eyes, the clear blue that always showed the truth. She did her best to smile, fearful that he'd be angry or upset. Her eyes became wider when she saw him smile gently at her, and lift one of his large, callused hands to her face.

 

Large tears spilled out of her eyes and landed on Shinpachi's face, and he understood. The war had taken an enormous toll on Chizuru, as it had done to many others. He watched her cry for 15 minutes, but to her it felt like hours. Shinpachi watched as Chizuru hiccuped a few times, and continued on dutifully tending to his wounds. He didn't flinch once, even when she washed the blood off a particularly sensitive cut on his chest. He looked over to Chizuru, and saw her face scrunched up in concentration, making her look much older than she actually was. It occurred to Shinpachi that he didn't know Chizuru's age. Her petite frame, small stature and constant sunny disposition made her seem very young.

 

"Chizuru-chan," His voice startled her, and she looked up into his sky blue eyes. "How old are you?"

 

Her eyes went wide with shock, Chizuru realized that she didn't know her own age. She looked away from him, and began to mumble. "Ah, Nakagura-san-"

 

"Shinpachi." Her eyes widened slightly at this statement. "Shinpachi-san, what is the date and year?" Shinpachi almost laughed, but held back due to the nature of the reason for her question. Chizuru's eyes widened and she stumbled in the water a little.

 

Seventeen was a big number. She almost didn't want to believe it, and she looked up at Shinpachi with a trembling lip. "I… I am seventeen, Shinpachi-san." His eyes softened, and he smiled gently at her. _She's too young to have gone through what she has._

 

Chizuru finished using scraps of clothes and what she could find to bandage most of Shinpachi's wounds, and she gently began to pull him out of the water and onto a soft patch of moss. Chizuru sighed heavily; she knew that she couldn't keep a wounded Shinpachi on the ground for very long. However, any nice sort of home would be far out of reach. She didn't have much money left, and she was sure that Shinpachi needed to stay hidden. Searching her mind for a solution, she vaguely remembered a rundown shack she had passed a day or so ago. She was trying to remember how to get back there when she saw Shinpachi try to sit up. As she went to put a hand firmly on his chest to push him back down, he grabbed her hand and pulled her in close.

 

"Chizuru, there is no time to wait. There are footsteps drawing near; you need to run." He whispered in her ear, and she could feel his warm breath on her neck. Chizuru shook her head violently and grabbed Shinpachi around his chest and hauled him up over her shoulders. Chizuru blindly ran as fast as she could without wounding Shinpachi. The chase went on for a while, and though Chizuru was stronger than most humans, Shinpachi was a big man. She stopped for a moment to catch her breath and saw something that gave her hope. The corner of the shack she had passed. She made her way towards it and searched the area to be sure it was safe. She knew that she could not chance to lose the one person left in her life.

 

"Chizuru-chan, you should have left me behind." Came Shinpachi's voice from the make-shift futon she had laid out for him. Chizuru shook her head in absolute refusal. "They… they're all gone, Shinpachi-san and Hijikata-san… he died to protect me." At this Chizuru began to cry more tears for those who had been lost. Shinpachi simply put his hand on her head and gently stroked her hair.

 

"Chizuru, he died so you could live. He did not die so that you could crumble and decay. It will take time, but the pain will fade." He continued to gently stroke her hair, and Chizuru nodded numbly. She made a silent vow to herself that she would find happiness, so that Hijikata's wish and honor could live on.


	2. 2

The weeks passed, and Shinpachi slowly but surely healed. The gashes on his chest were still painful, and Chizuru tended to his wounds daily. Shinpachi never forgot to thank Chizuru every time she helped him stand, or cleaned his wounds. Chizuru would insist that he shouldn't be moving about, yet he refused to let her do everything. It was on one such evening that Shinpachi, who was feeling well and full of energy, happily bounced into the fixed shack turned cabin holding a few dead rabbits. He saw Chizuru curled up asleep; she was mumbling in her sleep, and Shinpachi saw a tear trip down her face.

 

"Hijikata-san… no, NO!" Chizuru shot up from her position panting heavily and crying. It took her a moment to register where she was, and her eyes roved around the room, finally settling on Shinpachi. "Sorry," She muttered. "I fell asleep and had a nightmare." Chizuru's eyes filled with tears again as she felt Shinpachi's hand on her head, gently stroking her hair. _He's always been so kind to me, and has treated me with respect._

 

"The nightmares will fade with time," Shinpachi said, kneeling in front of Chizuru. "but don't forget to keep those who you love in your heart." Chizuru looked up at him with watery eyes; Shinpachi smiled at her, silently reassuring that things would work out. Shinpachi gently got to his feet, and made his way out of the small cabin to skin the dead rabbits he'd caught. It pained him to see Chizuru this upset, and he missed her honest and encouraging smile.

 

Shinpachi began to think back on his time with the Shinsengumi, and he remembered how Chizuru had behaved towards the vice-captain. He pulled the a dead rabbit towards him and began to skin it, working quickly so as to finish the seemingly unpleasant task. He had seen the signs, and had known early on that Chizuru had been falling in love. Shinpachi furrowed his brows and pulled the second dead rabbit towards him and began to skin it; he wondered why it had bothered him so much back then and continued skinning the animal. It wasn't until he was halfway through skinning the third that he realized something was bothering Chizuru.

 

He popped his head into the cabin to see her covering up her nose and mouth with her sleeve, trying to mask her evident discomfort with the smell of blood. Shinpachi smelled his hands, realizing that the only thing he smelled was a slight metallic odor.

 

"Don't you smell that? Its so strong it feels like its burning my nose." Chizuru said, looking up at him, confusion spattered over her face. Shinpachi simply shook his head, concerned for the young woman he had come to care for more deeply than he thought he ever could. Shinpachi knew he couldn’t comfort Chizuru with blood still wetting his hands, so he quickly ducked out of the cabin to wash up in a nearby stream.

 

The sight that greeted him upon his reentrance to the cabin shocked him. Chizuru had lost consciousness and she was curled up on the hard floor of their cabin. This wasn’t that unusual, but what had truly caused Shinpachi to be concerned was that her hair was slowly turning white. It seemed to be originating at her roots and slowly replacing her gentle brown hair. He quickly realized what was happening to Chizuru, and gently scooped her into his arms. She felt so delicate against his chest; she weighed next to nothing, and it made Shinpachi hold her closer as he quickly made his way through the woods. His ears and eyes were peeled for any signs of danger, and he kept his old jacket over Chizuru’s body. He wracked his brain for the information that Hijikata had given each captain when he had been told that Chizuru was an Oni.

 

_“Go into the woods and get lost,” He rolled his eyes in annoyance. “and continue on like you’re on a path. At some point the leaves on the trees will turn gold, and you will find yourself in front of a wall with a wooden gate. That is all Sen-hime has said to me”_

 

Shinpachi remembers the directions and found them as ridiculous as his former Vice Commander did, but he knew that in this situation it was the best he could do for Chizuru. He quickly made his way forward, a new sense of urgency coursing through his veins as he heard her whimper in pain. He held her close to his chest, hoping his warmth might comfort her and kept moving. He didn’t notice it at first, but one yellow gold leaf turned into two, and two turned into whole trees. He felt his whole being relax a little as he saw the wooden gate, and he quickly made his way to it and knocked heavily on it. Another louder whimper came from Chizuru, and she writhed in his arms from the pain in her body. The gate swung open to reveal Sen-hime and Kimigiku looking very worried when they caught a glimpse of Chizuru.

 

“I will take her from you.” Kimigiku said, and quickly hurried over to where Shinpachi held Chizuru. He was slightly unwilling to let her go, but he did as he knew that Chizuru was in the best hands. He watched the Shinobi’s back as she brought Chizuru into one of the many rooms that lined the outer wall of the mansion, and was startled when he felt a small hand on his arm.

 

“She will be just fine; I will explain to you everything inside.” Shinpachi looked at Sen, who had a reassuring smile on her face and followed her lead into the mansion. She lead him into the common room where she sat down on a pillow and gestured for him to follow suit, and began to explain when he did.

 

“We Oni have always lived along side humans, and as such have evolved and developed certain precautionary features. The most important one is that we are not faced with our powers until we reach a certain age to protect human children. You can imagine the horror the human children would feel if they were suddenly face to face with a white haired Oni, horns and everything.” Shinpachi nodded understandingly, putting together the pieces. “Chizuru is currently facing her first transformation, and it is something that is very painful. However, Kimigiku is very good at easing pain and was there when I experienced it.” He was quickly understanding all the implications of Chizuru’s sensitivity to the blood and how it might have set it off and he immediately felt guilty.

 

“She was very sensitive to the rabbit blood on my hands, and I wonder if that-” Shinpachi started, but stopped when Sen shook her head and smiled.

 

“It is something that her body decides, when it is the optimum time. She was simply showing symptoms of the beginning.” She corrected any responsibility on Shinpachi’s part, and relieved him of the guilt he felt.

 

“What now? Is the process long and is there a healing period? We couldn’t impose our presence at your home for very long.” Shinpachi was concerned for Chizuru, and hoped she wasn’t in a lot of pain. She had been healing from the loss of Hijikata, and even though she still had nightmares of his death, Shinpachi could tell that she had begun to process. He hoped this wouldn’t bring more pain to the young woman who he knew he cared for.

 

“Nagakura-San, she will be just fine. It will take a few days for her to get used to changing, but we will _all_ be there to help her through it.” Sen said, smiling in such a way that told Shinpachi not to argue. At this point they sat in silence, waiting what seemed like hours for Kimigiku to return. The sun had began to rise before any word came about Chizuru’s progress in the form of a maid sliding open the door and bowing.

 

“She requests both of your presences. Her body is adjusting well, but she will need to rest.” Shinpachi was already to his feet, waiting to be shown where Chizuru was resting. Sen had quietly stood and nodded to the younger woman in thanks. Sen looked over to Shinpachi and said “Come, I know where she is.” Shinpachi gladly followed her, he was anxious to be sure that Chizuru was ok and alive. He was slightly agitated by the pace in which Sen-hime was walking, but it would be rude of him to ask to go faster.They finally reached the door, and Sen slid it open to reveal a slightly pale Chizuru sitting up with the aid of Kimigiku. She was carefully drinking soup from a spoon, while the broken remnants of similar ceramic spoons lay to the side of her bed. Chizuru looked up at the sound of the door sliding open and smiled, truly happy to see Shinpachi there, along with Sen.

 

“Shinpachi, thank you.” Is all that Chizuru said, but her words held sincerity that he had not heard from her since their time in the Shinsengumi. The beauty of her genuine words and smile made his heart beat quickly. There was an unsettling cracking noise, and Chizuru frowned agitatedly. She had broken another spoon and the part that held liquid had fallen into her bowl. Sen began to giggle, and Chizuru looked up at the sound and burst into a grin, also laughing at her sudden accidentally destructive nature.

 

"Its ok, Chizuru-chan. I broke twice as many spoons as you have so far." This resulted in everyone in the room laughing. It was a sight sorely missed by Chizuru, seeing as Shinpachi hadn't smiled since she had found him in the battlefield. He was truly a handsome man, but in a rugged and wild way; his wide smile only served to enhance this about him. She continued to laugh while observing his body and muscles, when had she become so attracted to him? Chizuru looked to Sen, who was now telling Shinpachi the story of how she and Chizuru had first met. She knew that Sen would be the one to talk to about this, and that the changes she felt in her mind needed to be addressed. Kimigiku was explaining Chizuru's new strength to Shinpachi and that it would take time for her to get used to it. She took this time to look at Sen and show her that she had a secret to tell by doing the 'come hither' motion with her forefinger. Sen bent forward, a knowing smile on her face.

 

"Can we go to the baths? I need to talk to you about these changes, and I feel unclean." Chizuru looked slightly uncomfortable, and Sen nodded her consent and held her hand to help Chizuru up. She staggered slightly but was able to hold herself up after a few moments.

 

"Kimigiku, can you show Nagakura-san where he and Chizuru will be staying? She and I will be bathing and will see you at dinner." Kimigiku nodded, and Chizuru smiled to Shinpachi and waved. Both women quickly made their way to baths, and Chizuru felt herself relax into the warm water of the onsen. Sen was sitting across from her, and patiently waited for Chizuru to start talking.

 

"Its hard, Sen-chan. Hijikata-san died, and I miss him every day. He was an amazing man, strong and loyal to his men and very smart. Sen-chan... If I am completely honest with myself, there was something missing." Chizuru said sadly, she felt horrible; like she was betraying her love of Hijikata.

 

"Chizuru-chan, its ok. He's died, and neither you or anyone else can change that. You have a life ahead of you and deserve to find love in it." Chizuru's head snapped up and she smiled tearily.

 

"So, me being attracted to Shinpachi isn't bad or wrong? When I saw him at the door I just felt something deep inside me that hadn't moved with Hijikata-san." Chizuru finished off, she was confused about her feelings and Sen could see it.

 

"Oh Chizuru-chan, it is totally okay and normal. Don't be so hard on yourself, and tell me more about what you like about Shinpachi." Chizuru looked at Sen, and cracked a small but genuine smile while giggling excitedly.

 

"Sen-chan, his muscles have muscles," She giggled excitedly "and when he was wounded I got to tend to his bare chest every day. Sen-chan, do you happen to have a man in your life?" Sen turned pink and turned her head away.

 

"Yes, Chizuru-chan, please don't be mad." Chizuru looked at Sen-chan and saw that she was ashamed. "Sen-chan, we are friends, who is it?"

 

"It is Amagiri Kyuuju. His muscles also have muscles." Sen said shyly, but looked up at Chizuru when she started giggling and smiled at Sen.

 

"Tell me how it happened, I want to know how he asked you and everything. Are you getting married?" Chizuru was smiling happily for her friend, she had found someone who she seemed to care about.

 

"He approached me very respectfully, you know how he is, and he asked me if I would consider letting him court me. I was completely shocked that he was interested in me, I had always though he was handsome, and I was very excited to start the courtship." She was very pink and it was obvious that she cared deeply for him.

 

"Sen-chan, do you love him?" Her question was innocent enough but got quite the reaction. Sen's face went even redder and her ears now turned the same red as her face. Sen nodded quietly and giggled. "Yes I do, very much and I hope that he wants to marry me some day." Both women giggled happily, and had finished washing their bodies by the time their conversation was over.

 

"Chizuru-chan, dunk and turn around, I'll wash your hair." Both women were in an unusually good mood, and Chizuru was very happy to have some time with Sen. She and Chizuru dried off of their bath and dressed themselves in simple yet pretty kimonos and Chizuru followed Sen to where dinner would be eaten. Chizuru hadn't said, but she was excited to see Shinpachi.

 

 


	3. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, because I've been copy and pasting my stories from my text documents into here, I've realized one... tiny... mistake. 
> 
> I used to write a chapter, upload it, and then continue writing on that same text doc... 
> 
> Then I'd copy/past it over to a new one, edit it, and then rinse and repeat. So, if there's any weird stuff at the beginning or end of these chapters... thats what's going on.

 

Chizuru fiddled nervously with the pretty kimono Sen had lent her. She was used to wearing her normal clothing that she had forgotten what it felt like to be in women’s clothes. 

 

“Sen-chan, are you sure this is ok?” Chizuru felt way too flashy, and she felt her cheeks warming. Her friend stared at her with a mischievous smile gracing her flawless face.

 

“Chizuru-chan, you look so pretty!” Sen clapped her hands together and smiled, completely ignoring Chizuru’s question and now beet red face. It just so happened that Kimigiku slid open the door and saw both younger women dried and dressed.

 

“Hime, it is time. You also have a special visitor.” Sen blushed and giggled, happy that her lover had come to visit. A small part of her was nervous and worried about whether everyone would get along. She felt her stomach drop a little when she saw Chizuru’s worried face.

 

“Kimigiku, please tell me where Shinpachi is. I need to explain to him that Amagiri-san is not our enemy.” Kimigiku smiled at this and nodded understandingly.

 

“He is resting in your room.” Chizuru missed the meaning of those words for a moment, before asking why she and Shinpachi were sharing a room. She was cherry red at the idea of sharing a room, sure they had spent nights together in the teeny one room hut, but this was different. This was sharing a room, and if Sen was mischievous enough, a futon with the man for whom she was harboring feelings. Sen spoke up timidly, noticing the look of nervousness on Chizuru’s face.

 

“Chizuru-chan,” She started tentatively, unsure of whether or not her friend was angry. “there’s a room divider and two futons. This home is falling apart and that is the best guest room we have.” Sen looked apologetic, but brightened when Chizuru smiled reassuringly.

 

“Its ok, Sen-chan. We stayed together in a one room hut before we came here.” Chizuru said, while turning to Kimigiku to ask for directions to her room. She gestured for the younger oni to follower her, while Sen mumbled something about ‘greeting their guest’ while walking down the hall in the opposite direction. She was slightly nervous; there had never been a time when she had interacted with Kimigiku alone, and she didn’t know what to say.

 

“This is the door to the common dining room, we’ll be eating here tonight in about 30 minutes.” She paused briefly and gestured at a pair of double doors, while smiling slightly. “This is the main hallway, the rooms are largely empty, and this is my room if you should need anything.” She gestured at another door on the opposite side of the common room. They continued to walk down the hall until they came upon a sliding door. Chizuru guessed it was their room due to the slight snoring that could be heard through the paper. Chizuru giggled slightly and looked up at Kimigiku, who was trying to hold back a wide smile.

 

“I’m going to assume this is our room.” Chizuru supplied, shaking her head at his habit of napping. This was a something she had discovered back at their teeny cabin when she had gone out to gather some firewood, and had come back to find him asleep against a wall. She had let him sleep and it had become routine, never once had she needed to wake him up. She came out of her reverie when Kimigiku smiled and said something along the lines of “I must go tend to business.” She nodded and waved before turning and sliding open the door.

 

Chizuru was greeted by the a sleeping Shinpachi, as she had suspected, what surprised her was the robe he was wearing. It had been a while since she had seen him in traditional Japanese clothing. Her eyes roved over his sleeping form, from the muscle and faint scars she could see due to his robe being tied loosely, to his hair draping over his face from the lack of a headband. She sighed audibly, and tried to name the feeling in her lower stomach that this man ignited within. She knelt before him and gently shook his shoulder.

 

“Shinpachi, its time to get up.” Chizuru blinked, surprised by the lack of response. She tried again, harder this time. “Shinpachi, there will be food soon. Please wake up.” He emitted a groan from his chest that seemed to reverberate through her bones; this caused her heart to race. He still wasn’t awake, and dinner was in 15 minutes, so Chizuru decided on a different and more daring tactic. She gently tucked a tuft of his surprisingly silky hair behind his ear, and leaned in so that her lips almost brushed against his lobe.

 

“Shinpachi,” Her breath tickled his ear, causing him to groan in his sleep again. “Its time to wake up, dinner will be ready soon. Please wake up.”

 

“Hmmm 5 more minutes, Chizuru.” He mumbled, unconsciously rubbing his cheek against hers. Chizuru sighed and shook her head and withdrew.

 

“Shinpachi, no you have to get up. Dinner is in 10 minutes and we need to talk.” His blue eyes opened and looked at her inquisitively, she was being quite determined in her demands. He could tell she was recovering from her losses, which made him happy. He had hoped she would become the bright and stubborn young woman he had come to adore. He rubbed sleep out of his eyes and sat up straighter, and ran a hand through his wild hair.

 

“Shinpachi, Sen-chan has began a courtship with Amagiri-san. He is no longer our enemy, and he shall be joining us for dinner.” Chizuru stated this calmly, but inside she was pretty nervous as to what Shinpachi’s response would be. He furrowed his eyebrows, and she mentally prepared herself for when she had to calm him.

 

“Chizuru, what do you think of this?” His voice was almost stern, with concern mixed into his tone. She looked into his eyes and felt all her tension fall from her body like a cascade of sadness she had been carrying. His eyes were completely soft and betrayed something deeper within; Chizuru met his gaze with no attempt to hide exactly how she felt.

 

“I trust Sen, and if she is willing to be with Amagiri it must mean that he is a different man than the one we encountered.” He nodded, satisfied with her answer, and pushed off from the wall and stood at his full height. He turned to Chizuru and gave her his big, lovable grin and offered her his hand.

 

“C’mon Chizuru, or we’ll be late for dinner.” She took his hand and sighed at his playful demeanor. She found herself pulled to her feet by his strong arm and stumbled a bit, she found herself falling face first into his chest.

 

“S-sorry Shinpachi. I didn’t mean to trip like that, but we do need to hurry or we’ll be late.” His smile widened, and he helped her back onto her feet. Their hands had not separated, and it made him happy when she began to lead him out of their room down the hall towards the double sliding doors towards the dining room. He decided to test her hand by loosening his grip on hers ever so slightly. The response he got was her tightening her petite fingers around his considerably larger hand, and so he held her hand with as much tenderness and commitment as could be done with such an act. They were at the sliding doors, and Chizuru looked up at him and then down at their hands, asking a silent question.

 

“Its ok, Chizuru, you can let go now if you want.” Shinpachi braced himself for the cold feeling of her hand leaving his, but he felt her wiggle her fingers in between his own and saw her slide open the door to the dining room. Kimigiku was sitting at one of the places, waiting for people to arrive, and said nothing about their joined hands.

 

“Sit where you please.” She said, smiling knowingly and gesturing at the general dining area. Chizuru looked to Shinpachi, who smiled and lead her to two cushions facing the door. Just as they had started to settle, Sen and Amagiri walked into the room, shutting the door as they both made their way to the remaining seats. Sen noticed their joined hands and looked at Chizuru that clearly stated ‘we’ll be talking about this later.’ and happily sat down next to Amagiri. The food was brought by one of the few servants that lived with Sen and Kimigiku, and conversation started up about how good the food looked. Chizuru was very hungry and began to eat, forgetting that her left hand was still very much clinging to Shinpachi’s right hand, the one he’d need for eating. He smirked at the comfort she obviously received from the contact, but he needed to eat. He leaned into her ear, the way she had done to him when she had brought him from his pleasant dreams, and whispered.

 

“You know, Chizuru,” He began, putting emphasis on her name, causing her to blush. “I can’t eat with my left hand, and as much as I like holding your hand, I need my right hand to eat.” Shinpachi got the reaction out of her that he had expected, Chizuru turned pink and let go of his hand, frowning as she did.

 

“Its not funny, your hand is warm.” She was now very pink, and wouldn’t make eye contact. Shinpachi just chuckled at her stubborn demeanor and eyed the young woman. He wondered for a moment if things were moving too fast, he knew that she had lost her love less than a year ago and that the pain was still fresh. He figured it would be a while before she felt ready to fall in love once again. He quietly ate the food; it was delicious and it reminded him of Chizuru’s cooking. Small talk passed around without Shinpachi noticing what was being said, until Chizuru nudged him to pay attention.

 

“So Chizuru-chan, you should stay for another day or so to make sure that you’re fully healed. There’s also a few things I need to tell you about that relate to you oni side, so to speak.” Her cheeks were tinged a light pink, and she picked at the remaining food in front of her, trying to ignore the fact that the Amagiri and Kimigiku knew exactly what she was talking about. The moment passed and dinner came to an end without much more fuss, and Chizuru could feel the effects of the night take a toll on her emotions. She looked to Sen and saw that she was saying something to Amagiri, who nodded and smiled. She felt a pang of jealousy; she wanted to move on with her life and settle down, but she felt confusion and guilt at the pace in which she had let go of him. She felt Shinpachi’s hand on her shoulder, and looked up at his face.

 

“Chizuru you look tired, lets get some rest.” He suggested warmly; she nodded and steeled her emotions until she could curl up in her bed. They said their ‘good nights’ to everyone and calmly left for their room. Shinpachi opened the door and ushered Chizuru inside, he would not let this go undiscussed. He closed the door and turned to face her to see large brown eyes swimming with tears, and he sighed deeply. He moved over to the wall and sat against it, motioning for Chizuru to join him, which she did. She sat there fiddling with the hem of her obi, waiting for something to happen with eyes still holding in her tears. Shinpachi eyed her for a moment before gently wrapping his arm around her shoulder and pulling her in close to his side. That was all it took for her barrier to break and for her tears to come tumbling out of here eyes.

 

“Shinpachi, I feel so guilty about everything,” Chizuru started, wiping her eyes and leaning against his shoulder. “I knew the moment that Hijikata-san took the ochimizu, that his life was ticking away faster than it should. His death haunts me in my dreams because he died for me, but it is also a relief to me because I knew it was inevitable.” She felt his thumb rubbing circles on her tense upper shoulder. “And now I can only see him as an old friend. I want to move on with my life without feeling constantly guilty.” Chizuru wiped her tears with the edge of her sleeve, and sniffled a few times.

 

Despite the subject matter, it made Shinpachi happy that Chizuru opened up to him. He had loved her for quite some time, and was willing to wait for as long as she needed. That being said, he always cherished the moments of physical contact between them.

 

“Chizuru, there is no need to feel guilt. He died for you to have a life, but he doesn’t own your life.” Shinpachi continued to massage her shoulder as he spoke. “If anything, the best way to honor his life and death is to live your life happily. He wouldn’t want to see you sad, and neither do I.” Chizuru made a humming noise as he found a particularly stiff part of her shoulder, and opened the eyes she did not remember closing.

 

“Shinpachi,” His response was a short and deep grumble. “When will I know when I’m ready to love again?” His massaging stopped for a moment before continuing.

 

“You will know you’re ready to be in love when you fall in love.” His voice was calm and resolute, and it made her smile. She gently grasped his hand and removed it from her shoulder.

 

“Shinpachi, turn around. It’s your turn.” He turned his back to her, giving Chizuru a most confused look until she put her petite hands on his massive shoulders and started massaging them. He felt the tension drop from his body as her small hands worked on his upper back. He grinned and looked over his shoulder.

 

“You know Chizuru-chan,” His voice was light and teasing as her hands moved to one shoulder blade. “I could get used to this.”Chizuru’s heart sped up as his words rang clearly through the room. She smiled slightly and nodded to herself.

 

“I could, too.” Was her short, but meaningful response. Silence reigned over the pair as she finished massaging his upper back.


End file.
